Dear Pastor,
I’ve been a lover of Jesus since I was 18, and throughout my lifetime God has revealed to me my greatest hangup: relationships. I Personally connect with God through prayer journals & daily bible study. Yet, we all fall short! I Was married for 6 years to the wrong man, and I was given a second chance when he committed adultery. Otherwise, I’d be married still, as I struggle to follow His rules/guidelines for my life. I fell head over heels for The first man who came along. We dated for over a year, but god clearly moved me to end the relationship this past December. I know it was the right thing at the time. However we met yesterday, and he has grown much closer in god. He feels this is why we were supposed to separate. I do love him, but there’s a major catch… I have also developed strong feelings for another man. I never believed people who said they were in love with two people, yet, here I am. I do love both for different reasons. I’ve prayed and prayed, yet I feel as though God wants to teach me through this process. Please share with me advice on how to choose correctly. Since my failed marriage (6 years of emotional/mental torture)… I’m terrified of getting mixed up again! How do I go forward in a godly way?!? Please advise me on the best approach!!!
Blessings,
Ann
ANSWER
Ann,
Remember that your first and most important relationship is with the LORD. He is the only one who can satisfy your deepest longings. You must not let any human being pressure you to take any particular path unless the LORD has given you the green light. Anytime the LORD gives you the “go ahead” it will be consistent with Scripture. He will never violate His Word. Until the LORD says “Go” it is far and away best to wait. We make many foolish decisions when we are pressured either by ourselves or by others. King Saul is an example (see 1 Samuel 13:5-14).
As to your question concerning love, it is possible to love more than one person. Just ask any mother who has more than one child. God Himself loves the entire world (John 3:16).
Remember that love is more than feelings. No one stays on an emotional high. Feelings are like the tide, they come and go and are not always of the same strength. Also, true love requires us to do things that do not feel good (like take a child to the physician for a vaccination). The Bible speaks of this as agape. Agape is sacrificial. Agape puts the needs of the other person before your own. Agape involves commitment. Agape is a choice, an act of the will. Hollywood puts all of the emphasis on the warm, fuzzy feelings of romance. Romance is important but it is not the total experience of love. It is a part, but only a part.
Give this issue some time. You have been impulsive in the past and it has gotten you in trouble. Over time you will see both men in a variety of situations. Make the effort to discover their true character and their true heart for Jesus. Clarity will come as you continue to depend on the LORD, asking Him to reveal His will. You do not have to decide today.
I’d like to recommend two books to you, both by Dr. James Dobson. He is a respected Christian author and psychologist. You will do well to read them.
Head Over Heels: How to Fall in Love and Land on Your Feet
~ Pastor Chris