Category: Friendship

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Is there anything wrong with marrying older than yourself?

QUESTION

Pastor Chris,


Is it wrong to marry a lady who is a year older than me? She is my female best friend ever since I was a teenager. A pastor once said, “Marry your best friend.” She inspires me and motivates and we also are pursuing the same goals.

~ Daniel Okpu

ANSWER

Dear Daniel,

Your pastor has given you some sound advice. From what you describe, God has blessed you with a wonderful lady. The age difference of one year is not an issue.

~ Pastor Chris

Recommended book about marriage: The First Years of Forever by Ed Wheat

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What should we do when a gay friend wants to join us at church?

Pastor,

 

A friend of mine who is gay asked if she and her friend can go to church with me and my husband this sunday, my husband is hesitant, what should we do?

 

~ Cathy

 

 

ANSWER

 

 

Cathy,

 

What are her motives? Is your friend genuinely interested in spiritual matters? Is she honestly interested in Christ? Or is she looking to make a scene? Is she seeking to try to justify her lifestyle? Is your church family spiritually mature enough to “love the sinner and hate the sin?”

 

Ask your pastor about this before proceeding in either direction. He needs to have time to prepare himself and the church leadership because this kind of thing is a spiritual battle (Hebrews 13:17; Ephesians 6:10-12) . The enemy has deceived these two young women and will use them to divide the church if possible. One pastor I heard about told a homosexual couple that they were welcome to attend but that he was not going to change the message of the Bible or permit them to teach or have a place of leadership in the church. I do not know if they decided to attend that church or not. Be upfront with the two young women and be upfront with your church leadership.

 

I remind you that Jesus was called a friend of sinners (Matthew 11:19). Several of His disciples were social misfits. Many of the church members at Corinth came out of immoral lifestyles.

 

I pray that your church will find a way to minister to these two young women and help them find the Savior who is the only one who can meet their deepest needs for forgiveness, genuine love, and authentic relationship. Jesus wants to heal their hurting souls.

 

Pastor Chris

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Am I unwanted because I grew up without friends?

Pastor Chris,

Am i mistake or unwanted because i grew up without friends and my life is always complicated that everywhere i go people don’t like me even at work my bosses don’t like me . What should i do? Am i cursed?

~ Andiswa

 

ANSWER

 

Andiswa,

 

It is a wonderful thing to have a friend. The best friend anyone could ever have is Jesus. He is the one who “sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). The Bible also says that Jesus is a friend to sinners (Matthew 11:19). Jesus will never let you down.

 

I do not think you are cursed. A far as human friendship is concerned we will often be let down and hurt. Everyone I know has been disappointed by others. People can be self-centered and fickle. Sometimes they intentionally hurt us. Other times they are so wrapped up in themselves that they do not realize the hurt they cause others. But it still hurts anyway, whatever the reason.

 

That being said, there are reliable people you can trust to be your true and genuine friend. You just have to find them. Remember, Jesus went out and searched for His disciples. Sometimes we have to go out and search for our friends.

 

How do you find a friend? Here are some ideas:

Be a friend to someone else. Treat someone the way you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).

Learn to listen to others. Listen more than you talk.

Attend a Bible study group.

Find a lonely person and look for a way to serve him.

Call people by their name when you see them.

Put a smile on your face. Think positive, lovely thoughts (Philippians 4:8).

Go to a retirement center and visit the shut-ins.

Ask your pastor to give you the name of someone who needs a friend.

Write encouragement cards to others who are hurting.

Look around. Others are lonely, too.

A good book on the subject is The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care for.

 

~ Pastor Chris