Category: marriage

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Should I separate from my partner when she is pregnant?

Hello Pastor Chris, I’m a born again christian, I’m staying with a partner whom we’re not officially married for 2 years now and she’s pregnant. But feel like I made a wrong decision to be staying with her. My question is;Will it be wrong if we may separate and let the Lord guide me to the right person marry? Please pastor I need your help.

~ John

Answer

John,

You have several responsibilities here. I want to encourage you to step up and show the world what a follower of Jesus does during difficult times.

1. You have a responsibility to the woman you have been living with. To run off and leave her with a child is cowardly and cruel. She deserves better than that.

2. You have a responsibility to the child. How will that baby learn about and accept the God who is love if his earthly father doesn’t love him enough to raise him? A child needs spiritual training coupled with a secure, loving environment (Proverbs 22:6).

3. You have a responsibility to society. There are far too many children on the streets, far too many growing up in poverty, far too many getting their perspective on life from someone other than a godly father.

4. You have a responsibility to God. The Bible teaches that God opens and closes a woman’s womb (1 Samuel 1:5-6). In other words God is the One who creates life (Psalm 139:13). God created this baby. Will you abandon the child that God has given you? “A man’s ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths” (Proverbs 5:21, NIV).

5. You have a responsibility to yourself. What kind of man will you be? A godly man that steps up and shoulders his responsibility? Or a worldly man that lives only for himself?

Ask God to help you. You will do well to memorize Philippians 4:13, 19 and repeat them out loud every day.

Be a godly man. Do the right thing for this woman and this child. It is your responsibility.

~ Pastor Chris

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I married a man who is already married. Is this right?

I married a man who was already married. I have been living as his wife. What does the bible say about this and is it right?

 

ANSWER

 

Natta,

 

The biblical plan is one man and one woman united in marriage for life. God initiated this when He placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God did not create Adam and then give him multiple wives (Genesis 2:18-25). God created Adam and then gave him one woman to be his wife.

 

You were married under false pretenses and are therefore free to have the marriage legally annulled. You have not sinned. You married him in good faith. You can leave this false marriage with a clean conscience. Please consult a Christian attorney to work with you to settle the legal aspects of your situation.

 

~ Pastor Chris

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Can you get married without a marriage license?

Pastor Chris,

 

Can a man and a women be married in the eyes of god without a marriage license?

 

~ Tracy

 

ANSWER

 

Tracy,

 

Yes, if you live on a deserted island!

 

The Bible exhorts Christians to be subject to the governing authorities (Romans 13:1-7). Jesus said, “give to Caesar what is Caesar’s” (Luke 20:25). The government requires a marriage license for a man and a woman to be wed. If a man and a woman choose to live together the government still gets involved by declaring that they are married by common law even though they did not have a ceremony or a certificate. You cannot escape the government or God on this issue. “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God” (Romans 13:1, NIV).

 

I believe that a marriage ceremony and a license are good things. They are public matters. Jesus Himself attended a wedding, thus endorsing the marriage ceremony. A marriage ceremony complete with a license shows respect for God, for government, and for society. Christian marriage seeks the blessing of all three on their union. Why would a couple not desire this?

 

Frankly, a license for marriage helps to maintain an orderly society. When people do whatever they think is right in their own eyes bad things happen (Judges 17:6; Isaiah 5:21). Our culture has a hard time with commitment. A marriage ceremony and a marriage license elevate the importance of commitment to the family. Without stable families led by a man and wife that are committed to each other, society crumbles.

 

For a more detailed examination of your question see Seven Reasons Why God Created Marriage by James Ford, Jr. and Why Marriage Matters: Reasons to Believe in Marriage in a Postmodern Society by Glenn T. Stanton.

 

~ Pastor Chris

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Will I not prosper if I try a bi-curious lifestyle for only a short time?

Pastor Chris, 

In the bible it talks about how a homosexual won’t prosper… due to the fact that god made man and women to reproduce. I am not a homosexual but am just bi-curious. Would I not prosper for trying just to see what its like to be with a man but at the end of life I have a wife and some kids who i am loyal and am faithful to?

 

ANSWER

Dave, The old expression says that if you play with fire you will get burned. You cannot flirt with sin and escape unharmed. God’s grace is not given to us so that we might sample the things that the devil has to offer. Paul writes about it this way:

 

“Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!” (Romans 6:15, NIV).

 

“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:15-20, NIV).

 

Let me remind you that curiosity was a factor with Adam and Eve’s sin in the garden. Trust God. Do things His way. He knows what is best for you.

 

For further reading on what it means to walk in grace I recommend The Grace Awakening by Charles R. Swindoll; In the Grip of Grace by Max Lucado; and Captured by Grace by David Jeremiah.

 

~ Pastor Chris

 

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What does Genesis 3:16 mean when it says your desire will be for your husband?

Pastor Chris,

I was reading in genesis about the fall of man. I came across a verse I never noticed before and do not quite understand. I was wondering if you could offer some insight into the meaning of this verse. In genesis3:16, the bible says, “and god said to the woman, ‘your desire will be for you husband but he shall rule over you.'”

I Am very confused as to what this verse is saying about e husbanD/wife relationship.

~ Leanna 

 

ANSWER

Leeanna,

 

You have asked a significant question. I commend you for searching the Scriptures thoughtfully, prayerfully, and diligently.

 

God has perfect relationships within the Trinity. There is perfect communion between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. When God put Adam and Eve in the garden they had perfect relationships, too. They had perfect communion with each other and with God.

 

Genesis 3:16 comes after Adam and Eve sinned. When they sinned they broke fellowship with God and with each other. Relationships were fractured.

 

Sin carries consequences. Genesis 3:16 speaks to some of the consequences of Adam and Eve’s sin.

 

It is interesting to read how different versions of the Bible translate this verse.

 

And you will desire to control your husband,

but he will rule over you. NLT

 

You’ll want to please your husband,

but he’ll lord it over you. THE MESSAGE

 

Your desire will be for your husband,

yet he will dominate you. HCSB

 

you shall welcome your husband’s affections,

and he shall be your master. TLB

 

Your desire will be for your husband,

and he will rule over you.” NIV

 

When a husband is acting out of his flesh (sin nature) he can become unreasonable and demanding. When a wife is acting out of her flesh she can become controlling (NLT) and can put her husband before God (your desire will be for your husband).

 

In all of life the first priority is God Himself. When that priority is in place we live better, we treat each other better, and we know God’s perfect peace. The Bible says, “live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature”

(Galatians 5:16, NIV).

 

Some good books on the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives in marriage from a biblical perspective are:

 

Strike the Original Match by Charles R. Swindoll

 

Different by Design by John MacArthur, Jr.

 

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

 

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

 

The 5 Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman

 

God bless you!

~ Pastor Chris

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Is Marriage O.K. with God?

Hello Pastor,

I am Asian and got married by my parents and my husband parents 4 years ago.  We did not get it done legally.  I have know my husband for 10 years and have been married to him for 4 years.  We now have a 2 year old together.  I am currently learning about God and my question is if my marriage is ok with God or am I commiting a sin? Please advise.

Sincerely,
Chi

Dear Chi,

Why not go ahead and have another wedding ceremony?  Your pastor will be happy to officiate I’m sure.  It can be done with only a few people present.

~ Pastor Chris

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When it was biblically ok to give up on a marriage if ever?

Pastor Chris,
I wanted to know when it was biblically ok to give up on a marriage if ever.


– Marguerite






Marguerite,
The Bible is clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). His ideal has always been that marriage would consist of one man and one woman for life (Genesis 2:24).


That being said, God’s ideal and sinful man’s reality often clash. Therefore, God calls us to strive for the ideal; but, when two people cannot meet the ideal God regulates their separation through the process we call divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Matthew 19:8).


The question then is when is divorce permitted? Obviously, divorce is permitted in cases of adultery (Matthew 19:9). The word translated “marital unfaithfulness” is the Greek word porneia. Porneia actually includes a wide range of behaviors that mean a person who is out of control and is compulsively preoccupied with self-gratification.


Another difficult case is that of abandonment. What if a wife finds herself abandoned? Can such a woman seek divorce? Yes, she can. What else is she to do? The wives referred to in Malachi 2:16 were being “put away” (lit. “abandoned”).


Another situation is that of a believer being married to an unbeliever. I Corinthians 7:12-16 tells us that if the unbeliever wants to remain married to the believer, then the believer must not divorce the unbeliever. However, if the unbeliever wants to leave (seek a divorce) then the believer is not bound in such a case.


There are other situations that are difficult, too. These situations include such things as cruelty, indecency, incest, law breaking, insanity, various mental health issues, and other sordid behaviors that can make a marriage unbearable and divorce necessary.


Even though a person has biblical rights to divorce, it does not mean that they have to get the divorce. I know cases where a person has chosen to forgive the offender and the marriage has remained intact. This presupposes repentance and a commitment to mature on the part of the offender. Often this requires professional Christian counseling in order to build new behaviors in the offender’s life.


So, for a person wondering if he or she is at a point of “giving up” on his or her marriage he or she would do well to consider these thoughts:
•    Is my own heart right with God?
•    Am I seeking God’s glory and not my own comfort?
•    Am I ready to pay the price, emotionally speaking?
•    Am I ready to exchange one set of problems for another set of problems?
•    Do I have biblical reason?
•    Can I forgive my spouse?
•    Can I forgive myself?
•    What is best for the children?
•    Have I truly tried to make this marriage work?
•    Have I taken the time to really think this action through?
•    Have I prayed until I have received God’s peace about this action?
•    Have I counseled with wise Christians who have nothing to gain by my decision?


A person needs to be careful not to seek divorce on a whim or for flimsy reasons (burning the toast, lusting after another person, he’s messy, she talks too much, etc.). Many marriages will improve if the partners will start working together and begin seeking Christ together. When that is not realistic, God regulates divorce and extends His hand of forgiveness and compassion. ~ Pastor Chris