Category: parenting

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Should I separate from my partner when she is pregnant?

Hello Pastor Chris, I’m a born again christian, I’m staying with a partner whom we’re not officially married for 2 years now and she’s pregnant. But feel like I made a wrong decision to be staying with her. My question is;Will it be wrong if we may separate and let the Lord guide me to the right person marry? Please pastor I need your help.

~ John

Answer

John,

You have several responsibilities here. I want to encourage you to step up and show the world what a follower of Jesus does during difficult times.

1. You have a responsibility to the woman you have been living with. To run off and leave her with a child is cowardly and cruel. She deserves better than that.

2. You have a responsibility to the child. How will that baby learn about and accept the God who is love if his earthly father doesn’t love him enough to raise him? A child needs spiritual training coupled with a secure, loving environment (Proverbs 22:6).

3. You have a responsibility to society. There are far too many children on the streets, far too many growing up in poverty, far too many getting their perspective on life from someone other than a godly father.

4. You have a responsibility to God. The Bible teaches that God opens and closes a woman’s womb (1 Samuel 1:5-6). In other words God is the One who creates life (Psalm 139:13). God created this baby. Will you abandon the child that God has given you? “A man’s ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths” (Proverbs 5:21, NIV).

5. You have a responsibility to yourself. What kind of man will you be? A godly man that steps up and shoulders his responsibility? Or a worldly man that lives only for himself?

Ask God to help you. You will do well to memorize Philippians 4:13, 19 and repeat them out loud every day.

Be a godly man. Do the right thing for this woman and this child. It is your responsibility.

~ Pastor Chris

Posted on

Is it wrong to leave home?

Question

 

Pastor Chris,

I am 18 and want to know if it wrong to leave home to get away from conflict my mom told me if i leave home a curse will follow me i must stay home until marriage is it true?

~ Delicia

 

Answer

 

Delicia, 

There are cultural expectations that are different all around the world. Some cultures release their children to leave home earlier than others. There may be a cultural element to your mother’s feelings.

That being said, it is the natural order of things for children to grow up, mature, and provide for themselves. A parent’s job is to prepare their children for this. The Bible says it this way, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6, NIV). The parents are to train their children and the children are to listen to their parents and learn from them.

My questions to you are these: Have you learned how to make responsible decisions? Can you provide for yourself? Will you be safe in the place you want to live? Are you easily influenced by others? Do you want to leave simply because you are angry with your parents? Do you want to leave because you feel pressure from friends to do so? If your answer to any of these questions is “No” then I would urge you to wait. The Bible says, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5, NIV). You will do well to approach this problem with care and patience. A quick decision without planning could cause trouble for you.

Keep your relationship with your parents vibrant and healthy. Discuss this situation with them. Come to them humbly, seeking their wisdom. Ask them to explain the reasons for their advice. Work with them to find a solution that is agreeable to them and to you. Remember, your parents love you and want the best for you.

~ Pastor Chris

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Am I old enough to make my own decisions?

Question

Pastor Chris, 

Hello I have a question you see I’m 18 and I have an issue and I need help and advice I don’t know what to do you see I’m 18 and I still live with my parents and well my issue is I want to make my own decisions I don’t want to ask my parents for permission I feel I’m old enough to make my own decisions.

~ Briggit

 

Answer

Briggitt,

As long as you live under your parents roof you are to live under their direction. This is difficult for them as well as difficult for you. They have to learn to balance your maturity with their responsibility to care for you and protect you.

Parents have to learn to let go. I am a parent myself and it is not easy, not because you want to control your children but because you love them and desire to protect them. A parent has life experience that can save a young adult son or daughter a lot of problems if he or she will listen and learn from that parent. A parent has to pave the way for a son or a daughter to walk toward adulthood. Part of that task is to allow them to gradually make more and more consequential choices. The Bible says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6, NIV).

I exhort you to be patient with your parents, listen to them, learn from them, and then get ready move out and provide for yourself. This is the natural way of life. Until then you are to be subject to them. Even Jesus subjected Himself to His earthly parents and He was the Son of God (Luke 2:51-52).

~ Pastor Chris

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How deal with a disrespectful son?

Pastor Chris,
My wife and I are raising a teenage boy and an elementary school daughter. We have been encountering some “respect” issues recently between my wife and my son. Currently my wife and I are not on the same page with handling our son’s perceived disrespect towards her. I am usually not there to witness it. Once she explains to me the circumstances, we normally talk it out between the two of us to set a course of action (or not) or I talk to our son. This will work once in a while, but like most things it fades away over time. Rarely do I feel the need to act physically towards our son as I don’t believe that is an effective course of action…especially when I am not there to interpret the context of the event. My wife feels that I need to be more physical towards him even though she is the one being disrespected. My bottom-line feeling is that our son will respect her even less if I handle those situations on her behalf. I believe she also feels that I don’t support her assertions of his disrespect once she explains them to me.

We want to lean on our faith as guidance. Thank you! — Stan





Stan,
Parenting is a difficult task! It sure keeps a man on his knees! Moms too!

Your children must know that Dad and Mom are a team. If one of you is disrespected then the other one has been disrespected, too. You must back your wife.

Have a family conference with you, your wife, and your son. Ask each of them to tell their side of the story in front of you and in front
of each other. Tell your son that when he disrespects his mother he is disrespecting you and that you will not stand for that. Give him one warning and that is all. The family conference is that warning. Tell your son that if he disrespects his mother again that you will take away one of his privileges. Name one or two privileges that you might take away. (Corporal punishment is usually not the best way to discipline a teenager.) If he disrespects his mother a second time, take away a different privilege plus the original privilege. Each time it occurs, increase the cost to him.

The point is, make the punishment fit the crime. Too harsh is unfair. Too lenient will encourage the disrespectful behavior. When you take away one of his privileges make it something that is meaningful to him and something that will not punish you or your wife. Set a time limit
on it. Follow through with it. Make a believer out of your son. Help him to see that you will follow through with what you say you will do.

Remember to love, respect, and cherish your wife in front of the children. Hold the door for her. Help her be seated at the table by assisting her with her chair. Hold her hand when you sit on the sofa together. Your children need to know that their mother is first in your life after the Lord Himself. The best way to show love to your kids is to show love to their mother.

Here are some verses from the Bible for you to ponder as you seek to guide your son and support your wife: Proverbs 3:12; 22:6; 27:17;
29:17; 31:10-31; Ephesians 5:25-33; 6:1-4. You can look them up on www.biblegateway.com.

Let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Sincerely,
Pastor Chris