Category: Sex

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Release from Guilt

Pastor Chris,

I got born again some months back. Since then I’ve been so much into Christ. I study and I pray. How do I get back up after I made a mistake by making love? How do I release myself of the guilt? I need your advice please.

Stephanie

ANSWER

Dear Stephanie,

The fact that you are feeling guilt is a good thing. This is the conviction that comes from God’s Holy Spirit. God’s conviction is designed to draw us back to Him. We hurt ourselves and others when we fall. We also hurt God.

The Bible says in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” To confess is to agree with God that what you did was wrong and violated His best for you. When you sincerely confess your sin to God, His promise is that He will forgive that sin. When God forgives, He purifies us and the stain of our sin is washed away.

Once you have confessed your sin it is also important to forgive yourself. This is not to simply excuse yourself as if the sin doesn’t matter. Sin always matters. However, forgiving yourself means that you accept the fact that God has forgiven you and removed your sin from you as far as the “east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). What a joy-filled thought!

Forgiving yourself is also important because the enemy of your soul, the devil, wants to keep you in bondage to your failure. If you are consumed by your failure you will be of no use to God in service to Him. How much more wonderful it is to accept God’s forgiveness and move forward by living for His glory.

Remember what Jesus said to a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery, “Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:10-11).

Let me recommend a book to you by Jay Carty. It is titled Counter Attack: Taking Back Ground Lost to Sin. You will find additional insights on practical Christian living in this book.

Sincerely,

Pastor Chris

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Did God Leave Me?

Hello Pastor Chris,

How are you?

Before I ask my question I want to say I love Jesus with all my heart and nothing will ever change it.

It is hard for me to ask this, but here goes nothing!

My question is did God leave me or was he there with me when I was Molested for 3yrs? I’m not angry with him anymore. Which should have never been, but I want to know was he there?

I’m in the process of trying to get over this bad thing that was done to me when I was younger so that I can move forward with my life! Yesterday evening was like I finally felt at peace which I haven’t had in a very long time! I can say I have come a long way from where I once was by his grace and mercy!!! 🙂

If you don’t want to answer or do not know how I will understand!!!!

Thanks so much for your time!

~ Lashay

 

 ANSWER

Lashay,

My heart goes out to you! I hurt for you and at the same time I am sooo proud of you! You are allowing your suffering to take you to Jesus which is the very best thing to do. He understands pain better than anyone and He died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin so that we can live with Him forever in a perfect place.

To directly answer your question, God did not leave you when you went through that unspeakably terrible time. He was right there with you and He suffered, too. The Bible says this about God, “If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there” (Psalm 139:8, NIV).

You will want to get Bringing Christ to Abused Women Minibook.
It is an inexpensive resource that has much help for overcoming sexual trauma.

Sincerely,
Pastor Chris

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If I masturbate without watching Porn is that still a Sin?

Pastor Chris, 

If I masturbate without watching Porn is that still a Sin?

~ Alexander

 

ANSWER

Alexander,

 

Do you fantasize when you stimulate yourself? I have never heard of a man masturbating without fantasy going on in his mind. Mind fantasy is lust and Jesus tells us not to involve ourselves with lust (Matthew 5:28). A man can lust in his thought life without actually looking at images. This is sin.

 

Steve Arterburn has written an excellent book on the subject of sexual temptation titled Every Young Man’s Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation (The Every Man Series). I highly recommend this book for a more in-depth discussion of this issue.

 

Scripture tells us to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). We are not wise when we dabble around the edges of sin. Play with a snake and you will get bit.

 

~ Pastor Chris

 

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Why do I feel a deep connection with someone if homosexuality is unnatural?

Pastor Chris, 

I would like to know if homosexuality is unnatural, why do I feel such a deep connection to someone of the same sex. Recently this guy came up to me and he wanted to get to know me and I said yes. We went out 2 times. It was great. After that I prayed to God to end this relationship because being gay does not fit with the life I have been leading and I don’t want to lose it or the people I’m close to. Miraculously he just stopped communicating with me. Now I feel emptiness, loneliness, and I am emotionally confused. I think about him all the time. I’m crying as I write this. I guess my question is, I just don’t understand how homosexuality is unnatural or a sin when my heart says different. My heart is hurting because I wish I could make a life with this man without being ridiculed and losing everyone I love.

~ Robert

 

ANSWER

 

Robert,

 

Please read this answer all the way through.

 

The Bible is clear about homosexuality. Yes, it is sinful. Romans 1:18-32 leaves no room for doubt. This passage in Romans speaks to the totality of corruption that sin brings as is refers to sins of the heart (v.24-25); sins of the body (v.26-27); and, sins of the mind (v.28-32).

 

Sin is an abomination, an affront to a holy God. There are many forms of it, homosexuality being one of them.

 

Consider what God said to Cain before he went out and murdered his brother Abel, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you but you must master it” (Genesis 4:6-7).

 

Anger can lead us into sin. That is what happened to Cain. He allowed himself to dwell on his anger over the fact that God did not look with favor on his offering. He was also angry because God did look with favor on Abel’s offering.

 

Watch out when you are angry. In your case it will be a temptation to be angry with God because He said that humans are not to involve themselves in homosexuality. If you allow yourself to be consumed with anger you will be easy prey for the devil who will increase the temptation to rebel against God.

 

Disappointment can lead you to anger. When we get disappointed with God we can easily get angry with Him. Our disappointment with God has to do with our misunderstanding of God and His ways. This will in turn lead us to not trust Him. Failing to trust God is a dead end.

 

It is much better to trust God and take His laws to heart. Happiness and joy come from submitting yourself to God’s Son, Jesus. Consider these verses:

 

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 14:12; 16:25, NIV).

 

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18, NIV).

 

“A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless” (Proverbs 14:16, NIV).

 

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9, KJV)

 

We have choices in life. Sin is a choice.

 

Temptation is not a sin. It is when we give in to temptation that we sin.

 

Your first and primary relationship is with the Lord. “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'” (Isaiah 55:6-9, NIV). Human relationships are important, but not as important as your relationship with your Creator.

 

By-the-way, it is normal to have feelings of grief when a friend leaves. Whether that friend moves away or simply discontinues the friendship, grief is involved. It is a loss. Do not confuse feelings of grief with sexuality. I have male friends that I laugh with and speak deeply with at a heart level. This is normal. It is a good thing to have trusted friends of the same gender. Just remember, friendship – yes. Sexual activity – no. Your heart can lie to you. Sexual activity of any kind outside of marriage is forbidden by God. He wired us up and knows how we function best.

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Will I not prosper if I try a bi-curious lifestyle for only a short time?

Pastor Chris, 

In the bible it talks about how a homosexual won’t prosper… due to the fact that god made man and women to reproduce. I am not a homosexual but am just bi-curious. Would I not prosper for trying just to see what its like to be with a man but at the end of life I have a wife and some kids who i am loyal and am faithful to?

 

ANSWER

Dave, The old expression says that if you play with fire you will get burned. You cannot flirt with sin and escape unharmed. God’s grace is not given to us so that we might sample the things that the devil has to offer. Paul writes about it this way:

 

“Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!” (Romans 6:15, NIV).

 

“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:15-20, NIV).

 

Let me remind you that curiosity was a factor with Adam and Eve’s sin in the garden. Trust God. Do things His way. He knows what is best for you.

 

For further reading on what it means to walk in grace I recommend The Grace Awakening by Charles R. Swindoll; In the Grip of Grace by Max Lucado; and Captured by Grace by David Jeremiah.

 

~ Pastor Chris

 

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IS MASTURBATION CONSIDERED A SIN?

Pastor Chris, 

IS MASTURBATION CONSIDERED A SIN?

~ Ryan

 

ANSWER

Ryan,

 

Jesus said, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28, NIV). Masturbation involves lust. It is adultery and is therefore sin.

 

For detailed help you might want to get Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Counterattack: Taking Back Ground Lost to Sin by Jay Carty. Both of these books are thorough, practical, and well written.