Category: sex outside of marriage

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Release from Guilt

Pastor Chris,

I got born again some months back. Since then I’ve been so much into Christ. I study and I pray. How do I get back up after I made a mistake by making love? How do I release myself of the guilt? I need your advice please.

Stephanie

ANSWER

Dear Stephanie,

The fact that you are feeling guilt is a good thing. This is the conviction that comes from God’s Holy Spirit. God’s conviction is designed to draw us back to Him. We hurt ourselves and others when we fall. We also hurt God.

The Bible says in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” To confess is to agree with God that what you did was wrong and violated His best for you. When you sincerely confess your sin to God, His promise is that He will forgive that sin. When God forgives, He purifies us and the stain of our sin is washed away.

Once you have confessed your sin it is also important to forgive yourself. This is not to simply excuse yourself as if the sin doesn’t matter. Sin always matters. However, forgiving yourself means that you accept the fact that God has forgiven you and removed your sin from you as far as the “east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). What a joy-filled thought!

Forgiving yourself is also important because the enemy of your soul, the devil, wants to keep you in bondage to your failure. If you are consumed by your failure you will be of no use to God in service to Him. How much more wonderful it is to accept God’s forgiveness and move forward by living for His glory.

Remember what Jesus said to a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery, “Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:10-11).

Let me recommend a book to you by Jay Carty. It is titled Counter Attack: Taking Back Ground Lost to Sin. You will find additional insights on practical Christian living in this book.

Sincerely,

Pastor Chris

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IS MASTURBATION CONSIDERED A SIN?

Pastor Chris, 

IS MASTURBATION CONSIDERED A SIN?

~ Ryan

 

ANSWER

Ryan,

 

Jesus said, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28, NIV). Masturbation involves lust. It is adultery and is therefore sin.

 

For detailed help you might want to get Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Counterattack: Taking Back Ground Lost to Sin by Jay Carty. Both of these books are thorough, practical, and well written.

 

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Should I Tell A Potential Girlfriend About My Past?

Dear Pastor,

Im in need of some serious advise!! Can u please help?

I’m a single 28 year old man. I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’m a christian man who was brought up in a christian home.

I have committed a sin with guilt and shame that consumes me.

During my drinking days, on four separate occasions, I got very,very drunk, and called an escort service. I would never even think to do this, but for some reason it happened. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach! I cant look at myself in the mirror. I know I am forgiven by Gods grace, which I am eternally grateful!

I would die if anyone found out my sin!! My question is, do I need to tell a potential girl friend or wife this part of my past? The thought of it kills me!

~Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

From the tone of your email I can tell that you have genuine remorse. This is good. We can thank God for 1 John 1:9! You are right, God forgives when we come to Him in sincere repentance.

When you are first meeting other people you do not need to tell them everything about your past. This is true with first dates, too. It is not good to share everything about ourselves indiscriminately. It is a good “rule of thumb” to only share the intimate details of your life with a very few trusted friends. Most people cannot be trusted with intimacies.

It is a different situation when you find someone you want to marry. At some point as the relationship develops (before you get engaged) you should tell your fiancee the truth without going into all of the ugly details. You might say something like this: “You already know that I am not perfect. I have made some mistakes in my past. I took all of that to God, confessed it, and turned from it. The Lord has forgiven me and I have had to learn how to forgive myself. I want you to know that I love you and that I do not want to hurt you. I do not want you to discover something about my past from someone else. Therefore you need to know that I am a recovering alcoholic. When I was drunk I did some things that go against my Christian values. That is who I was. It is not who I am now. I am learning to walk in the Spirit of Christ. He gives me strength to follow Him and serve Him each day. I pray that you will forgive me for my past sins just as Jesus has forgiven me.”

If the lady cannot forgive you for your past then you do not have a relationship that will go the distance. If she can forgive you then she still needs to know so that she can be aware of those places where the devil will try to trip you up and lead you into sin. She can help be part of God’s defense for you against the enemy and the flesh.

~Pastor Chris

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Can I ever be a minister or deacon?

Pastor Chris,

When I was only 18 I had sex with my neighbor that was married. Her husband was out everynight with other woman. I feel terrible about this and wish I could take it out of my mind. Im in the military, now 23, and will be getting out soon. I want to go to school for bible, will this affect me if I ever wanted to be a minister or deacon?

~ F.F.

F.F.,

While we cannot ever justify sinful actions or attitudes, we can be forgiven of them.  Read 1 John 1:9.  When God forgives us He also cleans us up from our mess.  His grace is sufficient for this.  Remember, Paul was a murderer and David was an adulterer.  God forgave them and used them for His glory.  He will do the same for you.

You will remember your sin, however.  Allow that memory to be used of God to create a hedge of protection to hinder you from making the same mistake again. 

Do not let the devil tell you that you cannot be forgiven or be used by God.  The devil is a liar (John 8:44).  The devil will keep you bound to the past and ineffective in the Lord’s service if he can.  Do not let him do that.  Serve Jesus with your whole heart.

~ Pastor Chris