Tag: christian counseling

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Am I unwanted because I grew up without friends?

Pastor Chris,

Am i mistake or unwanted because i grew up without friends and my life is always complicated that everywhere i go people don’t like me even at work my bosses don’t like me . What should i do? Am i cursed?

~ Andiswa

 

ANSWER

 

Andiswa,

 

It is a wonderful thing to have a friend. The best friend anyone could ever have is Jesus. He is the one who “sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). The Bible also says that Jesus is a friend to sinners (Matthew 11:19). Jesus will never let you down.

 

I do not think you are cursed. A far as human friendship is concerned we will often be let down and hurt. Everyone I know has been disappointed by others. People can be self-centered and fickle. Sometimes they intentionally hurt us. Other times they are so wrapped up in themselves that they do not realize the hurt they cause others. But it still hurts anyway, whatever the reason.

 

That being said, there are reliable people you can trust to be your true and genuine friend. You just have to find them. Remember, Jesus went out and searched for His disciples. Sometimes we have to go out and search for our friends.

 

How do you find a friend? Here are some ideas:

Be a friend to someone else. Treat someone the way you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).

Learn to listen to others. Listen more than you talk.

Attend a Bible study group.

Find a lonely person and look for a way to serve him.

Call people by their name when you see them.

Put a smile on your face. Think positive, lovely thoughts (Philippians 4:8).

Go to a retirement center and visit the shut-ins.

Ask your pastor to give you the name of someone who needs a friend.

Write encouragement cards to others who are hurting.

Look around. Others are lonely, too.

A good book on the subject is The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care for.

 

~ Pastor Chris

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How can I feel good enough as a Christian?

Pastor Chris,

 

Hello, I know I am a christian, but I still struggle with not feeling good enough. How can I get past this? Also, I sruggle with changing. I know the things I need to do (read my bible daily, pray daily, even normal life things to better myself), but I just can’t seem to to it. Any advice? Thank you.

~ Ashley

 

ANSWER

 

 

Ashley,

 

The enemy of our souls wants you to continue to struggle with feelings of inferiority. Do not give him any ground. Psalm 8 is a real help with this problem. Remember, Jesus thought you were valuable enough to leave heaven and die on a cross so that He could be with you forever in a perfect place. Emotions can lie. Choose to believe what God says. When you set your mind on God’s truth your emotions will be positively affected. Check out Philippians 4:8.

 

By-the-way, no one is good enough. All fall short (Romans 3:10, 23). Only Christ is good enough. He is the only one who never sinned. Part of the marvelous wonder of Christianity is that the righteousness of Jesus is credited to those who believe in Him (Philippians 3:9). As a a child of God you stand before Him forgiven, clean, and free. We are accepted in the Beloved (Ephesians 1:6, KJV).

 

As far as personal change is concerned, the Christian life is a marathon not a sprint. We want things instantly. Some things take time. You can grow a squash in a few months but it takes years to grow an oak tree. A baby takes years to develop into an adult. Be patient with God. He cares deeply about transforming you into the image of His Son and He will work in your life to bring you to maturity (Romans 12:1-2; Philippians 1:6). You may also want to find a friend or two who desire to grow in Christ. Set a time and get together every week. Within your small group of growing Christians you can encourage and motivate each other to pursue Christ with your whole heart. Real change is usually accomplished with one or two accountability partners who are on the same journey.

 

The Navigators have terrific discipleship materials. For instance they have Growing In Christ: A Thirteen-Week Follow-Up Course for New and Growing Christians. They also have The Complete Book of Discipleship: On Being and Making Followers of Christ (The Navigators Reference Library). Why not start these studies with your friends? Be consistent. It will make a difference.

 

~ Pastor Chris